Most of you probably only know me as the gal who cooks all the food on this blog. Maybe you were around when I got married last year. Perhaps you have a hunch that I handle more of our business than just food.
Let me sum it up for you as best I can. I am a co-author of A Beautiful Mess. I write a blog that millions of people read. I am a co-owner of a #1 selling app. I am a published author. I am a co-owner of a million dollar business(!!).
I can’t word how lucky I feel to get to say this: I am happy. I know this probably sounds like bragging, and it is a little. But what can I say, I’m proud. And I want you to understand something about my life: I am living my dream.Â
But this was NOT always the case. I’d like to pretend that this has always been the course of my life. It’s embarrassing sometimes to open up about your past and your failures. But I’m hoping that if I do, maybe someone out there will feel some encouragement, depending upon where you are in life.
Here’s my story. I went to college mostly because my parents wanted me to. I had no idea what I wanted to major in, so I started off studying photography. I also worked as a wedding photographer.
Eventually I realized I didn’t want to do wedding photography forever, so I quit that job and also changed my major. I eventually graduated with a BA in Philosophy. I studied philosophy simply because I loved it, and I had no idea what else to study.
During college I mostly worked for Elsie. Remember how I said I was a wedding photographer? Well, so was she. She had a small business doing wedding photography and portraits, and I mainly worked as her second shooter.
Sometimes I did weddings on my own if we booked two on the same day. After that ended, I worked for a little while at a pizza place, and then I worked for Elsie again. She then had a thriving Etsy shop, selling prints and original artwork.
I managed her customer service as well as packed and shipped orders. I did this throughout college.
During college I also started performing in plays and taking acting classes (outside of my college classes). I had a few friends who were really involved in local theater, and I enjoyed it too. I really loved doing anything comedic.
I made plans with a friend of mine to move after I finished college to pursue acting in Los Angeles. I knew less than five people in LA. But I loved acting.
So we did it. We moved into a TINY studio apartment in Hollywood. I took improv classes at Groundlings. I took commercial acting classes. I worked as an extra (a lot). I got my SAG card. After a while I got a commercial agent. I went to a few auditions (not many). I worked odd jobs. I was very, very poor.
After about three years I was nearly out of money. I was tired of my life in LA. And I was nowhere near becoming an actress of any kind. I wasn’t sure what my next move should be. I was very seriously considering taking out loans and going to law school. I even took my LSAT and started the application process. But I dunno. It didn’t feel right.
During the three years I had been living in Los Angeles, Elsie and I had remained best friends. Her Etsy store had grown into a small, local shop that she supplemented with her blog, but she was having a hard time maintaining everything. She had lots of big ideas but hardly the time to execute everything and still manage all the other parts of a business you don’t see.
Most of our phone conversations over those years ended with her trying to convince me to move home and be a part of her business again. It was tempting, but a part of me had wanted to move because I didn’t want to be just “Elsie’s little sister/helper” forever. I wanted to do something on my own.
There was a little part of me that always felt like if I worked with Elsie I would forever be the “second shooter,” if you know what I mean.
Out of money and ideas, I finally gave in to her requests and moved home. Elsie was moving her business into a much larger building and expanding into selling vintage. I went from living on my own in Los Angeles and pursuing a career in acting, to living with my parents and helping my sister open her new shop location.
Can you even imagine a more cliche situation? I won’t lie—I threw myself some pretty big pity parties those first few months. I cried a lot. I felt really defeated. I felt like I would forever be labeled a failure.
After some time of feeling sorry for myself I finally picked myself up and started to put together the pieces of my life again. I had started a food blog back in Los Angeles, and I decided to keep growing this passion in my life since, well, I could. I blogged more. I cooked more. I started a sweet shop and catering business in conjunction with Elsie’s local shop.
I also tried to find how I could be useful within her business. I started getting all of her books and financials in order. I took over managing her blog’s advertising program. I helped run the day-to-day at the local shop. I made myself valuable, and we eventually updated the business and blog into a partnership.
And together we thrived. We found ways to expand on our successes and abandon anything that wasn’t working. I had no issues with abandoning things then. 🙂 Our blog readership grew. Our business grew. We started making more money.
I was able to save up enough to put a down payment on a house (and move out of my parent’s home). We eventually started hiring more people to work at our company. And last year, 2013, was our first million dollar year.
Success is not always measured in dollars made, but we are feeling like our small business has a new momentum to it. And I feel as though I’ve gone from being a failure to being a success story. How did that happen?! Well, I’ve certainly learned a few lessons along the way.
1. Move with the flow of life, not against it.
Life is absolutely full of opportunities. Don’t let them pass you by simply because they aren’t the opportunities you thought you wanted. We don’t always know what direction our life will go. I think it can be wise to try anything that comes your way, especially when you are young and trying to “figure it all out” (Spoiler: You won’t. Life is never that simple).
Don’t set your heart on achieving one thing, only one specific way, in order to feel happy and accomplished. An amazing opportunity disguised as a mundane option may come your way tomorrow; don’t miss it.
2. Be honest about your strengths and expand on them.
I was good at working with my sister. We have always made a good team, because our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. This was hard for me to see when I was younger, because I always felt like her achievements outweighed and looked better than mine. Instead of running away from a good situation, I should have fought to make it a great situation.
Sometimes you have to be honest about what you’re good at. (A great place to start if you’re not sure is asking those closest to you.) If you enjoy something but it’s not a strength of yours, it might make a better hobby than career choice. That ended up being the case for me anyway.
3. Dreams don’t have to die, but they do sometimes have to change. Embrace it.
Even before I moved home from LA I felt afraid to do so, even though a part of me really wanted to. I felt that if I turned my back on my dream (to be an actress) then I was a failure. Being a “failure” is just a label that you give yourself. Don’t box yourself in like I did! It’s ok to change your dreams.
It’s OK to pursue something else for a while if your current efforts don’t seem to be working. Embrace where your life seems to be headed, and forget the labels. Moving in with my parents after being a failed actress was the most cliche and embarrassing choice I’ve ever made. But it was also the BEST choice I’ve ever made.
4. Success is a process, not an event or state of being.
Being successful in whatever you are pursing in life is never going to magically happen one day and then it’s done. It’s an ongoing thing. You don’t always feel it. It doesn’t look the same in everyone’s life. And another really weird thing about it is you don’t always know it as it’s happening.
Like I said, choosing to be a failed actress is what led me to my current dream job. This was a successful move, but it sure didn’t feel like it at the time. I felt anything but successful that year of my life.
Don’t be discouraged if you’re not feeling successful this year. Keep going. Work hard. Play to your strengths. Take opportunities as they come. Be brave.
No matter where you are in life, I already know one thing about you: You are not a failure. Even if you’re feeling like one lately, please know I’ve been right there with you. I believe in you. You should believe in yourself.
Thanks for letting me share this (somewhat embarrassing) piece of my life with you. xo. Emma
Hi Emma!
I know it’s been a while since you wrote this, but I wanted to let you know it’s really helped me recently. I quit my high-paying tech job to just ‘figure it out’ because I was miserable and burnt out. Everyone in my life is like ‘I don’t get why you’re taking this risk’ etc, and I’m struggling to understand why myself, and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t ‘hack it’ in the high-stress world. I don’t know what I’m going to do next, and I have that feeling of being a failure because I haven’t figured out my passion yet, or what I should be doing to live my dream. I’ve followed your website since 2013, and went looking for advice — and of course I found it! I really needed to read this right now, and I was almost in tears because it was the words I wish I someone had said to me when I first quit, and the words I needed to make me feel like it’s gonna be okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A wonderful article and so well written. I have two daughters and I will be sending them links so they read this! A wealth of inspiration for young women.
I was re-reading this post today… and years later it just feels right for me at this point of my life… Thank you for share this with us Emma! Love from Brazil! 🙂
This was so inspiring! Thanks for sharing!
hey Emma,
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It’s inspiring & reassuring. Keep your spirit burning the way it has & you will go miles, taking others ahead with you! Stay tough, stay happy 🙂
good luck,
Bipasha
Your story is so inspiring! Thanks for being so honest and encouraging–posts like these are some of my favorites!
Oh Emma, 🙂
You and Elsie are my heroes. I love you guies soo much. Thank you so much for sharing your life story which is so raw and similar. I too have a loving younger sister just like you. We share an amazing friendship and bond.Your story gives strength to others to keep climbing. God Bless U. And i feel so fortunate to have found you guies and your amazing blog. Keep shining!! Lots of love from Vini and Amber.
Regards,
Vini
THIS is exactly what I needed right now. I don’t know exactly how I found my way to this post (FROM 2014) but it totally speaks to me in my current stage of my life. Thanks Emma! I would love more posts like this.
Deanna
Such a great post. Thanks so much Emma. (Also this is totally unrelated but I totally gauge how old I feel in blog years. I remember reading in the early days of Red Velvet Art and it’s crazy how much you all have grown and expanded the brand.)
This is, without a doubt, of the most inspiring things I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I kind of have a refreshed outlook on life now – xx
Wow.
I can’t thank you enough for sharing this with us, Emma! I can only imagin how much hope you must’ve gave you readers — including myself!
I have heard nothing but good things about this article, I even bookmarked it earlier in the week and finally got around to reading it tonight.
Amazing & so inspiring. I am so happy for you and all your success! And I am hopeful, too. Thank you for giving so much wonderful insight… so encouraging!
I will be sharing this on my blog tomorrow. 🙂 Others need to read this!
Thank you so much for sharing your every changing process!! Seeing how far you ladies have come is inspiring! Looking back it all makes sense, but when you’re in the midst of an uphill battle, it sure doesn’t seem like you’ll ever make it. Again, thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your every changing process!! Seeing how far you ladies have come is inspiring! Looking back it all makes sense, but when you’re in the midst of an uphill battle, it sure doesn’t seem like you’ll ever make it. Again, thank you so much for sharing!
I’m really happy that I came across this post. I am going through a similar situation as you were when you decided to move out of L.A. I’ve been living in L.A. for almost 6 six years now and I am nowhere close to achieving my dream as a sound designer. I’ve finally decided late last week that it was time for me to open myself up to new opportunities. I’ve decided to expand my search further than L.A. county and to move in with family if any new opportunities come my way. After reading this post it makes me even more certain that I am making the right choice for me. Thank you for sharing.
What an awesome read, truly inspiring 🙂
I’ve never read anything that had more relevance for my life right now; thank you for being so brave and beautifully honest.
Meg
Thanks for your article, it’s very inspiring and it feels so good to see that we’re not the only one in that case! Most of the people don’t talk about that part of their life where they struggle, or some are just lucky, so when you’re working hard and see the others showing their success, you wonder why not me… Hopefully I had parents that always reminded me that success would come if I was working hard and dreaming strong, and reading articles like yours that had those moments in their life makes me realize that they are right! Thanks so much 🙂
Hi Emma!
Thank you so much for your words and encouragements!!! Just the thing I wanted to hear today as my professional path is getting unknown…
ABM is so inspiring!
Greetings from Canada!
Claudine :o)
It’s not embarrassing at all! It is so moving I cried (in a good way) I’m 20 and I know in still so young to think that I’m a failure but sometimes I feel so just because I didn’t get that dream job. It’s so shallow I know! But I also know that everybody starts from the bottom and I have high hopes that there’s no way to go but up. I am so inspired by this post. I may not comment a lot here (because your website is blocked at my work. :/) but I’m an avid reader. I’ve never been this encouraged! Thank you for this post!
I just stumbled upon this post tonight and wanted to say thank you. I am finally feeling like I am hitting my stride with a few things in life but am still worried about others. So this was really encouraging. And many blessings to you and your sister!