Episode #17: Wedding Stuff + Traditions We Skipped

This week’s episode is based on a reader question about if there’s anything we’d do differently from our weddings (which were seven and nine years ago now). It was fun to remember our special days and serve up a bit of advice for anyone planning a wedding now. Hope you enjoy it!

You can stream the episode here on the blog or on iTunesSpotifyGoogle PlayTuneInPocket Casts, and Stitcher. You can find the podcast posts archive here.

This week’s episode is sponsored by Agility by Therapedic. Emma shares more in the episode but they are having a HUGE sale for President’s Day. If you’ve been looking for a mattress, sheets or pillows, now is a great time to visit their site here. You can save $200 on a queen mattress (or larger) AND you’ll get two free pillows with the purchase. Make sure to check it out! And don’t forget to use the code ‘ABM’ at checkout, they’ll honor the best deal possible for you with that code.

Here are a few photos from Elsie’s wedding:

You can see Elsie’s wedding video here.

Here are a few photos from Emma’s wedding:

-You can see Emma’s wedding video here.

Shout out to Sarah Rhodes who photographed both our weddings and retired from weddings right after Emma’s. She now runs the blog and design company Paro Home.

Other show notes …

-Lol when I say Amy + Tina are hosting the Oscars … oops.

The Outsider … if you’ve been watching, tell us what you think. We’re on the fence.

We’d love to hear your requests for future episodes! This whole episode was inspired by a listener question! xx. Elsie + Emma

Miss an episode? Get caught up!

Episode 17 Transcript

Elsie: You’re listening to the A Beautiful Mess podcast, and today’s episode is all about weddings. We’re taking a look back at our weddings and talking about what we loved, favorite DIYs as well as what we would change, and any traditions we skipped. We’re also sharing another segment of “What are you looking at?” And spoiler, Emma’s is super creepy.

Emma: And this episode is sponsored by Agility Bed — you’ll hear more about them later in this episode. So first off, you may want to check out the show notes, which is at abeautifulmess.com/podcast, because we’re going to link a whole bunch of our wedding posts, because Elsie and I both got married years ago and we put a lot of that content on our blog. But it’s been a while. And also we’re probably gonna reference some things that it just would help if you saw them visually. So they’re there. Check it out if you’re interested.

Elsie: Yes. We’ll put some pictures from each of our weddings, some links and our wedding videos. Yes. On the show notes.

Emma: Ok. So I kind of set up this outline where it’s like a question and then we both answer it.

Elsie: OK.

Emma: So the first one is, even though people are going to go to the show notes to check it out, just go ahead and describe the general vibe of your wedding. If there are any colors, the style. Just generally, what did your wedding look like?

Elsie: So my wedding was definitely in the early Pinterest days. It was lots of rainbows, lots of feathers, lots of paper decorations. Very cutesy. Like every little, I don’t know, Pinterest-y detail you can possibly think of. It had homemade everything, DIY everything. My bridesmaids had like light cream and white dresses and then rainbow colored tights. So, yeah, it was a lot of look.

Emma: It was really pretty. And you got married…your ceremony was at the vintage store that we owned. It was on the top floor. So it was this very warehouse, vintage looking building, if that makes any sense.

Elsie: Yes. It was like semi fire hazardous.

Emma: Oh, definitely a fire hazard.

Elsie: Jeremy’s dad had to build a rail just so that his grandma could attend our wedding.

Emma: They had to carry her up because it didn’t have an elevator.

Elsie: You might actually be right. Yeah, it was in an old warehouse looking…it was like a Mason, not like a temple, but a recreation hall in the old days. So it still had basketball goals on both sides of it. And then lots and lots of…you’ll see in the pictures. But like the ceiling was falling in…in a cool way. I think it was pretty.

Emma: It was very pretty.

Elsie: But yeah. OK, so tell us about your wedding.

Emma: Ok. My wedding was…my colors were kind of like white, gold and neon yellow. And I guess it would be kind of just like outdoorsy because I got married…our grandmother lives in a very small town. She lives on quite a few acres of land with this cabin she had built it’s a kind of modern…I mean, it was recently built like in the last 30 years. So it’s not like a cabin-cabin. It has running water and all that. But it has a little pond in the back. And there’s this little tiny dock. You can walk out on. And that’s where I got married. So it’s like kind of outdoorsy, summery looking. And then, yeah, my colors were pretty…kind of neutral, I guess you could say

Elsie: It was magical.

Emma: Yeah, it was really pretty. I loved my wedding so much. I think we both came out of it like…although trends change and all that, I love my wedding and there’s really not that much I would change about it. But there’s a couple things, so I’m gonna share those. OK. So first off, do you have any favorite DIYs or things that you made or somebody made for your wedding, things that you would definitely do again?

Elsie: It’s been a while. I’ve almost been married nine years now. So to be honest, I haven’t thought about this in a long time. And so I kind of had to look back at the pictures to even remember, you know, what was what. But OK, we made all of our own florals. And I think the biggest thing we made was that backdrop behind our ceremony. It took a while because we covered a wall in these paper pompoms and then we made some pretty crazy hairpieces.

Emma: Yes. Actually, since you did your own flowers, that’s one thing I wanted to talk about from my wedding was, because I really believe in doing your own flowers. I mean, if you’re like way into a certain florist and you want that, go for it. You know, it’s your wedding. But I do think that’s one area you can definitely save a lot of money and just do it yourself is making your own bouquets and boutinnieres and all that. But when we did it for my wedding, something went wrong. So could you tell listeners about that a little bit?

Elsie: I can’t remember. Can you remind me what it was?

Emma: Yeah, I had ordered a whole bunch of, like, daisies. I think they were a Gerbera daisies. I don’t even know if that’s how you say it, but I’m not a super flower person, but I ordered a ton of stuff from, I believe, Sam’s Club. And my arrangement was going to be white roses because Trey always buys me white roses, and so I wanted a big bouquet of white roses and those turned out great. But when all the other flowers came in that were for the bridesmaids and other things, you called me and you were like, Emma I’m sorry, but these flowers are just like falling apart. And they look really bad. They look disgusting. You and the other bridesmaids had to drive around to like different Price Cutters and Wal-Marts and everywhere and buy flowers and just make make what you could from what was available. And they turned out great. They look really pretty in the photos, but it was probably very stressful for you. I wasn’t that involved. I was like, yeah, do whatever. I mean, I wanted white, but whatever. Just do whatever.

Elsie: No, honestly, like, I just I’m kind of in the camp of people who thinks weddings should not be that stressful. And if they are, you’re doing it wrong. I don’t think either one of our weddings were that stressful and I’m glad that I had a sentimental to me wedding. And I’m glad that the people I love were there. And I’m glad that I had a wedding, I guess is what I’m saying. But like in the end, nothing really matters to me at all now except for, you know, that we have some pretty pictures to look back on and our video that Brendan Goodwin made, you know, as a gift is really the greatest part of the whole thing. Yeah. I just I don’t know. I think that people spend so much time and energy and get really sad you know and stressed. And I don’t know, I kind of wish that people wouldn’t do that because it’s just supposed to be a big party and then it’s over the next day, you know?

Emma: Yeah, I totally agree. I definitely think people put too much pressure on it. It is a very important day. But the most important thing is what you’re doing, which is marrying your partner.

Elsie: Yeah.

Emma: That’s obvious. And everyone knows that. But, you know, I think people get really wrapped up in it, wanting it to be perfect. Wanting things to be like, you know, the most epic day of your life. And I just feel like I have a similar feeling about birthdays where I’m just very like, just be chill. Don’t expect too much. Like, just, you know, enjoy what comes your way. And if you want to throw a party, throw a party, but just be happy with whatever happens because you can’t control everything. Like maybe your flowers will come in and they’re ugly and your friends will drive to Price Cutters around town and get you new ones and it’s just not a big deal like it doesn’t you know, it doesn’t have to ruin it unless you decide it ruins it. So I totally agree with you. But two DIYs that I would say that I really loved from my wedding…there were really a lot of DIYs, but two that really stuck out in my mind is my dress, which my dress was designed by my sister, Elsie, and made by my friends. And I think we hired one gal in town too to help a little bit. But it was a very handmade, homemade dress and it’s very beautiful and I love it. And I loved how it looked on me. I loved how it turned out. But I also just really love that my sister designed it and that my friends made it, so that was special.

Elsie: That was like a very special time in our lives. Like this was a right around the time when we had done a couple of dress collections in our shop and it was, you know, probably the most into fashion that we ever were, I guess. And yeah, it was exciting making you that dress because Katie and I mostly did the little stuff on the side.

Emma: The Ruffles.

Elsie: Yeah. It took a very long time and it was beautiful. So.

Emma: Yes. And then the other DIY, I wanted to say, in addition to the beautiful dress my friends made me, is I made this little, I don’t know what to call…I call it a ring book, but like, you know, the ring bearer tradition he’ll have a little pillow that he carries down the aisle and it has the rings on it. Or it might not if he’s too young, you know, just more of a tradition thing. So Trey and I were both philosophy majors in college, that’s how we met originally. And so one of the classes we were in was a philosophy of literature class. And one of the books we read was A Brave New World, which is actually an awesome book if you’ve never read it. Check it out. It’s older. It’s been out a long time. And if you like sci fi, it’s really a fun read. Anyway, that was something we had read in that class together where we had met. And so I got a special edition copy of that book and I cut out the middle like pages of it and made it into kind of like a little pillow. So the rings went inside of the book and our ring bearer carried that book. And I still have that book in our home. It sits on a bookshelf. And yeah, I like it because it kind of had to do with how he met and I don’t know, it was sentimental, and I also think it just turned out really pretty.

Elsie: Adorable.

Emma: OK. And then this next question…I feel like we might have the same answer, Elsie, I have a feeling, but you can have totally have a different answer from me if you want. But what do you feel for anyone who is going to be planning their wedding this spring? This summer? Maybe they’re paying for it themselves or they just have a tight budget or whatever. What do you feel is like the best investment? Like what would you spend your money on at a wedding?

Elsie: Ok, before I answer that, let’s take a quick break to hear a word from this week’s sponsor.

Emma: Hey, friends, it’s Emma. I’m excited to share about my Agility Bed and also make sure that you are in the know as one of their biggest sales of the year is happening right now. This past year, my husband Trey and I upgraded to a king bed and we got an Agility Bed mattress along with two of their cooling memory foam pillows. We’ve been sleeping on them ever since and we absolutely love them. It’s the best mattress and pillows I’ve ever had. I had my friend and photographer over one day, we were photographing a blog project in my bedroom, and I wish I had recorded our conversation because I would not shut up about my Agility Bed. I even had her lay her head on my pillow so she could feel how awesome it was. I’m truly a believer. And here’s what’s cool about Agility Bed. They offer a 100 day risk free trial because they are that confident that you will become a believer too. If you’re in need of a new bed or thinking of upgrading your current mattress, definitely take advantage of Agility Bed’s President’s Day sale because it’s a big one. The sale is going on now until February 23rd. Just use our code, which is letters ABM to get two hundred dollars off any mattress. Plus, when you buy a queen sized mattress or larger, you’ll also get two of their cooling memory foam pillows. To learn more, go to agilitybed.com/abm

Elsie: All right. So, man, I think. OK, two things. I know what you’re gonna say, and I agree. Photos and video. That’s like really…that’s all that matters. We watch our video usually on our anniversary every year…every once in a while. And it’s really, really special. I can’t wait til our kids are old enough to kind of be able to comprehend it a little bit and watch it with us. And yeah, our photography. Our friend Sarah Rhodes did both our weddings, it was actually how we met her, was when she did my wedding. And the photography is a priceless treasure. If you have a small budget, just spend all your money on that and just use re-use free stuff for the rest of it because it’s the only thing that matters in, you know, a couple years down the road. We promise. But I guess I would say the other thing that I’m glad we did do a few like weird and unique things. So Emma was supposed to have pastel blue hair for our wedding and her hairstylist accidentally dyed it dark blue like in X-Men. And it’s actually like my favorite part when I look back at our pictures. It’s so random that she did that just for our wedding. And it makes me always remember that Emma would do anything that I wanted. Which is really nice.

Emma: It was fun.

Elsie: And we had like our dogs at our wedding and just like little things like that. You know, the vintage dress that Bella wore in my wedding — she’s my niece that’s now twelve — Nova can wear it now.

Emma: Aw!

Elsie: Yeah. I think that’s the kind of stuff…so it’s like it doesn’t really matter what budget you have. You can have stuff like that that’s meaningful and special for you. You know…that dress was from eBay so.

Emma: Yes. Yeah.

Elsie: What about you?

Emma: Yeah. You definitely don’t have to have a big budget. I mean, I think…do you remember how much your wedding costs?

Elsie: I really don’t. But I would say it was maybe in the ballpark of like ten thousand dollars. Do you think?

Emma: Yeah, I think so. Mine was like 12,000. I don’t remember exactly. I would have known that year. But but it’s been a few years (laughs). But yeah, I mean, I think that’s a good budget for a wedding.

Elsie: We spent most of it on the reception.

Emma: Yeah, us too. Yeah. You guys served a meal, and we just had a lot of desserts and then we had an open bar. So. Yeah. That was really what a lot of the money went to.

Elsie: We both had free venues and a lot of budget friendly details. And then, you know, receptions are just expensive when it is a party for a couple hundred people.

Emma: Yeah. And I don’t think you have to pay for a meal or the drinks. You can totally do that differently if you want. That’s just, you know, what we decided to spend our money on. But I really think it’s more just like what’s going to make you happy and what your budget is too.

Elsie: Emma’s wedding was like so drunk. It was the funniest drunk wedding ever. You have to tell a couple stories before we’re done. You have to tell.

Emma: Well, I don’t really remember the reception because I was very drunk. I’d tell you a story, but I don’t remember. Thank God I got photos! Well, yeah. That is what I would say for about best investment is photography. Getting a photographer where you love their style, but also someone you could spend a whole day with. Because surprise, you will spend a whole day with them. So making sure it’s someone that you kind of work well with. So photography is my number one. But then after that would be venue because it’s such a big part of the look of your day. So, you know, and I love outdoor weddings. Sometimes people are like, oh, I don’t know if I want to chance it with rain or with bad weather. And I think, you know, me personally, I would chance it because I just think it’s worth it. And there’s gonna be really good light when you’re outside. Our wedding day was great. It was maybe a tiny bit hot. But, you know, it was, it was great for an outdoor wedding. But if it had rained, I think I still would have wanted to get married in the rain just because I think it’s prettier than…I’m not a huge, you know, church person, like get married in a church. Some churches are beautiful, but some are very just functional.

Elsie: Yeah, we’re from in the Midwest, like our history in churches, our churches were like the ugliest possible.

Emma: They’re very functional looking.

Elsie: Yeah. It’s basically like a gym with blue carpet.

Emma: Yes. And pretty terrible lighting.

Elsie: Every wedding photographer’s nightmare.

Emma: Basically. Yeah. I mean, you have to be a magician to make that work. And I mean, if it’s important to you to get married in a church, that’s cool. But I just think thinking about your venue as a part of the look of your day is really important, I think. But yeah, everything is subjective. Okay. Next question. Was there anything that you would change or skip or do differently? Because we had one reader or listener write in. She’s planning her wedding right now, and she wanted to know because she’s like, just tell me, was there something you would skip like, just, you know, totally skip it or just like do it differently? I have a couple of pretty small things, but I still wanted to share them. Do you have anything? Okay. I’ll say my two things for so one, we had at our reception we had a big dessert table and then we had drinks. And then I think we had like a hotdog cart that was like just some vendor from the city that came by later and it was just outside of the venue.

Elsie: That’s why Emma’s wedding got so drunk, because there wasn’t much food and there was a lot of liquor.

Emma: Yeah. We had a lot of appetizers, like my sister in law, Cat, she had made these really delicious appetizers and they made lots of them. But, you know, I think people don’t really plan to eat a whole meal of appetizers.

Elsie: I had ice cream, I remember you had that lavender ice cream.

Emma: Yes. Our dessert table was epic. But the one thing I was going to say is at the wedding reception, I had favors. You know, how if you have a party, you’ll have like party favors. So a lot of people will do reception favors. And I had these little bags of flavored popcorn and it wasn’t that expensive, but I had bought the popcorn in certain colors and I bought it in bulk. So I had to put it into these other bags and make them cute. And it was just, looking back, I’m like, that was kind of a waste of time and money. I don’t think anybody really cared that much. So I could have just skipped that and saved myself a whole day of putting the popcorn together and whatever money I spent on it, which wasn’t like a ton, but still it was a pretty low budget wedding. So I probably could have used that money on something else. So that’s the thing I would probably skip is like favors. I think…nah. No favors, forget it. So that, and then this other thing that I would change was basically a mistake I made. So at our wedding ceremony, it was outdoors, it was kind of at this little pond. My grandma’s cabin, like I said, and we had rented these canoes. So the first row of seating was canoes and people could sit in them and I loved that. It was really cute.

Elsie: It was so cute.

Emma: Only the adventurous guests wanted to sit in them (laughs). But I have pictures of people sitting in the canoes and it’s just really cute and it’s just very Ozarks to me because we like go floating and do canoeing…anyway. One canoe we had reserved and filled it up with ice. They’re the kind of canoes that you can get them totally wet. I mean, they’re metal. It’s a canoe. And so we filled it up with ice and we would put drinks in there so people would have drinks. And I don’t think I bought water, or if I did, I didn’t buy very much. So that was very stupid of me. And then I had made this really delicious Sangria. And then I also had, like we had like cans of beers, and then we had the sangria I had made. And then we had a lemonade that didn’t have any alcohol. Because there was kids and people who don’t drink. You know, but I didn’t label the sangria or the lemonade. So everyone who doesn’t drink or had kids was afraid to let them have anything because they didn’t know if it had alcohol added or not. So that was just like, a big oversight on my part. Like, I just didn’t I didn’t think to label the drinks. I just thought, oh, everyone loves love sangria and lemonade. And that I didn’t bother to, like, put a sign on them or anything. So that was just stupid. Anyway, anything you would change or skip?

Elsie: Our wedding was pretty non-traditional. And for the most part, I, you know, loved everything we did. You know how every wedding has like a thing that you’re like, Whoops! We had gotten our caterer to make pancakes. They were like heart-shaped pancakes. Very adorable. But they were kind of super cold. And I guess it’s not even so much the pancakes because it’s like, it’s cute in a picture. Maybe. I don’t know, whatever. Wedding food’s not always the best food in the world, but I kind of wish I would have had sort of like an after party. Like I kinda wish I would’ve had more of a party-party because we have the kind of family where there’s a mixture of people who don’t drink at all, who are more conservative. And then a mixture of, you know, your friends who maybe would be down for more of a bigger party. And our reception was a little bit in the daytime, and I kind of just wish I would have had like a — extra after-party or whatever. For the people who wanted to get down.

Emma: Yeah. That would’ve been fun because, yeah, you had a day wedding and it was kind of like a brunch.

Elsie: Yeah, it was on a Sunday I think too…We were really trying to save money. I don’t know why it was on a Sunday. But yeah. I mean, not that I like really, really regret it. I mean, we had dancing and we had drinking, it just we could have had more dancing and more drinking (laughs).

Emma: You saw my wedding and you’re like, “oh, this is too much party.” I wish I could split the difference…

Elsie: Yeah after Emma’s party. They, like, could barely get me to go home. Rachel had to, like, order us pizza on her kitchen floor. So it was a different situation.

Emma: Yeah. OK. So you would have an after party. OK. Well, that kind of leads into the next one. So I wanted to talk about if there’s any traditions that you skipped or just did differently, did in your own way. Because I do feel like especially younger people, when I hear this question, they’re always like kind of scared of skipping a tradition they maybe don’t love or that just doesn’t fit with their lifestyle because they’re afraid that their parents or their grandparents might, you know… So I just wondered if there is anything that you skipped.

Elsie: To be totally honest, I don’t remember. (laughs) I know we like wrote our own vows. We had somewhat of a traditional…like the person who married us was like a real pastor. But like, we don’t go to church and we’re not religious. And I felt like we had a balance of, he kept his preachery things to a minimum. And it wasn’t like the weddings we grew up going to…It would be like a full on sermon. And ours was kind of a little quick, you know, blurb or whatever. There’s nothing that I really regret tradition-wise. I think we had a Polaroid guest book, and I’m glad we did that. That was cute. And I’m glad that we did so many quirky things, even though some of them I look back now and I think it’s kind of silly, the stuff I picked and I wouldn’t pick it now, but it’s kind of like getting a tattoo. It’s like, well (laughs) yeah it is what it is! Like, I don’t think it’s necessarily like embarrassing or something I regret. It’s just, you know, obviously like a time capsule of what I liked in that time. What about you?

Emma: I like it too…just because like we don’t have that many photos of our parents. Our parents eloped, so they didn’t technically have a wedding, but they have some photos of where they were and the outfits they were in and all that. But we don’t have that many. And you could look at it and be like, “oh, wow, so ’70s” or whatever. But I like that it’s a time capsule. So that’s what one thing I would say, like if you’re scared of being too trendy, if you love it, if it’s a trend that you don’t love and you just feel like you should do it, then yes, skip it. But, don’t be afraid to be of your time, because I think someday, you know, if you have kids, your kids are going to look at your wedding photos and be like, oh, that was so 2020. I don’t know. Or whatever, whenever You get married. And I think that’s kind of fun. I like that our you know, our parents…it looks very 70s. Anyway, OK. So I do have two traditions that we skipped. The first one, I think a lot of people skip this one these days. But some people don’t. That’s cool. And by the way, of these traditions, I’m about to say we skipped, if you did these and you’re happy with your choice, Great. I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about me.

Elsie: Yeah, yeah.

Emma: Just F.Y.I, whatever you want to do with your wedding day, you know…

Elsie: Nobody’s going to get their feelings hurt. Hopefully.

Emma: I hope not. I wouln’t want anyone to think that. It’s like, this is really not about…I’m just talking about myself and my own experiences here. OK. So one thing we skipped is we did not wait until our wedding day to see each other in our wedding outfits. We had a day or two before, we spent like a whole afternoon doing different portraits in different locations in our wedding outfits.

Elsie: Yeah. We did that too. Our photographer wanted to do it. And it is a good idea. So you get way more pictures together.

Emma: I agree. And we still had like a moment where we saw each other for the first time. It was in your backyard at your old house, Elsie.

Elsie: Aww.

Emma: Our photographer just gave us a moment to take in each other’s outfits and like, you know, just have a moment together. And that was wonderful. And then we had a whole afternoon where guests were not waiting on us, we didn’t have any pressure from family, we just together with our photographer, just the three of us, went to like three different locations and got tons of, I think, beautiful portraits together. And I cherish them. I have so many of them hanging up in our home. Too many, really. And I just loved them. I look at them all the time. To me it was so worth skipping that tradition. And I didn’t even feel like we really skipped it because we still kind of had this moment. I’m not saying skip that one. I’m not really trying to evangelize here, guys. I’m just. This is what I did. And I totally think it was worth it. So we skipped that. And then the other traditions we skipped kind of have to do a little bit with the ceremony. So if you don’t know, I kept my last name. My name is Emma Chapman and it always has been. My husband’s last name is George. And there’s just a few little traditions around wedding ceremonies, and this could be kind of a Midwest thing, I don’t know, that are a tiny bit sexist, in my opinion, and so it was really (laughs) yeah. So it’s really important to me.

Elsie: I’m curious what things you’re going to say, because I don’t even think I’ve noticed.

Emma: Yeah. And I that’s kind of why I wanted to say the whole, you know, if you did it differently. I’m not talking about you because I have so many friends who did change their last names when they married. You changed your last name, Elsie. And you married. I don’t think that’s bad at all. I think every woman should decide what she wants to do. This is what I decided. So anyway. The things that I wanted to skip at our wedding ceremony was…so I walked partway down the aisle with my dad. And then I walked the rest of the way by myself. And that was very intentional. And it meant something to me because it’s important to me. I wanted to honor my parents at my wedding. I love my parents and they are a huge part of why I’m the person I am today. Like, I definitely want to honor them. And we also had our first dance with Trey, with his mom, me, with my dad. So that was really special. But I don’t love the whole you know, your dad walks you down the aisle and kind of hands you off to your husband. Well, I so like this man’s in charge of you and now this new man is in charge of you. I just I don’t like the symbolism of it. It kind of bothers me. And so just for me, it was important to me that I walked part of the aisle by myself because I just wanted to be like, I’m an individual and I’m coming into this marriage as an individual. And I plan to stay one. But I’m also getting married and I want to have a partner and all that. So anyway, that and then we also skipped the whole…sometimes the pastor or whoever does the wedding will say something to the effect of who gives this woman away. And your father, or someone usually says her mother and I. And we skip to that, too, because again, I don’t…I certainly want to honor my parents and their role in my life, but I don’t really think that line represents my life and my relationship with my dad. So we skipped that, too.

Elsie: Good for you!

Emma: Yeah. And the last one, these are all kind of the same thing. They’re all so small. So it’s not a big deal, but they were very important to me. So. And I just kind of want encourage if anyone’s out there like feeling a bit timid about skipping some of this. But it does bother you, that’s how I felt. So that’s why I want to just like put it out there, like, hey, I skipped these things and you can, too, if you want. It’s up to you. But the last one is at the very end of a ceremony. A lot of times they will say things like: and now presenting Mr. and Mrs.. The man’s name. And it was obviously one, I kept my last name. So that wasn’t gonna be my name anyway. But also, I don’t I don’t like being referred to as Mrs.. The man’s name. I’ve never enjoyed that tradition. I think it’s not something that represents me in my life. So we obviously skipped that as well.

Elsie: Nice.

Emma: So there’s my feminist rant for you. No, just kidding.

Elsie: Yeah. I’m glad that you made it your own. Honestly, there’s probably something that we skipped in our wedding, but I just cannot remember. (laughs)

Emma: Yeah, it was a long time ago. I wanted to do this episode on weddings just because we had that listener question, and we just now and again have people who are like in the midst of planning their weddings. And I thought, oh, we’re headed into the spring, or at least I’m thinking that in my mind, even though I guess it’s still winter, but I’m like, let’s just think about spring. So I thought it’d be fun to look back and like talk about our weddings even though it was years ago. So anyway…

Elsie: I love it. I’m glad we did. And yes, anyone out there is getting married or planning your wedding, congratulations. And just remember, the photos are the only thing that matter. (laughs)

Emma: (laughs) Other than the marriage.

Elsie: Yeah, yeah.

Emma: A hundred percent. Yeah. Have fun. Like just have fun and don’t feel like you have to do things for everybody else. Like it’s for you and your partner. So have fun and you’re starting your life together. Make it your own. So, all right. Let’s move on to our segment. This week we’re doing: What are you looking at? Which again, is just our segment where we talk about a book or a movie or TV show that we’ve been enjoying lately. That’s it.

Elsie: Nice.

Emma: So do you have one?

Elsie: Yes, I do. And I see yours and I’m watching that show also. So mine right now is red carpets because I love award season and I love watching the red carpet, specifically the outfits. Although this year, just by chance, we have seen most of the movies that have been nominated. So that’s been kind of fun because it’s more stuff we’ve like…sometimes we have to like scramble at the last minute or there’s like movies where we’re not interested in seeing that are nominated. But this year we had already seen almost all of them. So it’s kind of like, I don’t know, we always feel like especially the Emmys, it’s like all your friends are there and our TV friends, you know (laughs).

Emma: Yeah.

Elsie: So, yeah. I love watching the outfits and I like seeing who wins. But yeah, really, I don’t know. It’s just something fun to do on Sunday nights. It’s a great time of year.

Emma: Yeah. Who’s hosting the Oscars this year? That hasn’t happened yet, has it? No. Golden Globes happened.

Elsie: I don’t remember who’s hosting.

Emma: I feel like I remember feeling excited. But now I’m like “I don’t remember”?

Elsie: Oh, I think it’s Amy and Tina.

Emma: Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, I would be excited for that.

Elsie: Maybe I’m wrong. I know they’re hosting one of the shows.

Emma: I kind of like the like banter in between. But yeah, I’m with you. Show me the dresses and sometimes the suits. A lot of times I love it when men or women bring their A-game with their suits too, like pantsuits. I’m into it, but. Yeah. Love to see the gowns. Love it. OK. I am watching a TV show. It’s on HBO and it’s called… itmight be on other things, I don’t know, but it’s called The Outsider. So you’re watching this, too, you said?

Elsie: Yeah.

Emma: I got into it because I saw Jason Bateman was in it. And I’m not going to say too much about this series because, you know, there’s some spoilers and stuff. So I’m not gonna say too much. But basically, Jason Bateman’s in it and I kind of realized I think he might be one of my celebrity crushes because I saw he was in the trailer and I was like immediately like, oh, I need to watch this. But it’s also kind of like a thriller. It’s based on a Stephen King novel. And I’ve actually never read a Stephen King novel. I love to read. And I’ve actually never read a Stephen King because I’m too scared. I’m scared. It’s going to be like, I don’t know, like I won’t be able to sleep at night, but I really need to read one because I have been listening to his book on writing and I just love his perspective and his voice in it, like the way he speaks, the way he puts his senses together and all that. So I I’m like, oh, I need to read one of his books, even though I’m probably gonna get scared. But this, The Outsider is based on Stephen King book and it is definitely spooky.

Elsie: Yeah, Jeremy said that Stephen King is more like sort of like a sci fi type of like suspense and not really like horror.

Emma: Yeah, it’s like sci fi a lot of times or I mean, like, you know, everyone kind of knows the story of IT, even if you never read that book and it’s kind of sci fi kind of supernatural. I would say that’s a big theme is very supernatural, like ghosts or demons or, you know, things like that, things in that realm. And maybe the show has that and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not going to say, but yeah, but it’s very spooky. Trey and I are both like, do you want to watch our spooky show tonight? Whenever you the new episode’s out because it is spooky. Yeah, a little bit scary, but yeah.

Elsie: I don’t know if I’m satisfied with the show or not. Like I think I’ve just come to wait till the ending to see. I’m definitely like fifty-fifty on it right now.

Emma: I’m 50/50, too. I don’t want to say why, because it happens fairly quickly, so it’s not a huge spoiler, but I still don’t want to say why because if people are going to watch it, I don’t want to ruin it for them. But yes, I am also 50/50. I feel like I loved it at first and now I’m like, still into it. I still want to finish it for sure. But I’m kind of like not sure where this is going. I’m not sure if I’m going to find it that satisfying. But I think, too, I maybe just had different expectations. I think I was expecting it to be a little more like a true crime type thing. Not that I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it was a novel. But I don’t know. I think I was expecting something slightly different. So and that’s probably just my own ignorance of like, I don’t really know Stephen King’s work because I haven’t read it and it was books. So. But it is definitely worth watching if you have HBO and you like spooky shit.

Elsie: Spooky!

Emma: Thanks so much for listening. And like I said, this episode was inspired by a listener question. And if you want to send us questions, you can at podcast at a beautiful mess dot com. And other than that, you can support us by writing us a review or sharing about our podcast with your friends. It means a lot to us when you do that, so please tag us so we can see it. Thank you.

Elsie: Thank you!

Read More
  • This was such a fun episode! When Emma shared her story of making her own wedding dress several years ago and how special it was to have friends and family involved inspired me to make my own with the help of loved ones. It was such a special experience (and I saved a bunch of $$)!

  • Both my sister and I, at our respective weddings, had the whole thing at one venue. Saved any travel time, made it super chilled and didn’t have to worry about cars. We even stayed there, so we were able to get ready there.

  • loved this episode! when I think of/describe my favorite weddings it’s always you two that pop up in my head

  • Loved this episode! My wedding was very DIY 5 years ago and I still look back and loveeee everything!

    Are you guys still not sure about the Outsider? There was one episode early on that kinda made me question if I was going to love it (after loving the first few episodes) and then it quickly passed and I love it so so so much! Tonight’s episode was INTENSE!!

  • I found you ladies through Pinterest with the amazing photo of Elise’s bridesmaids tights! So many great years!

  • Great timing with this one as I’m getting married in November! So great to hear all your thoughts!
    Loving the podcast as always ☺️
    Grace xx

  • EMMA!
    I felt soo heard when you did the feminist rant!! I‘ve thought so much about these topics in regards to my upcoming wedding and I could never put my finger on it what it was exactly that bothered me. But you put in such clear words and stayed respectful to everyone else. Thank you!

  • My husband and I went on our first date when I was 12 and we have been together ever since (juuuuuust about 17 years now). We got married a month after I turned 19 and we just did it at the court house. We have talked about renewing our vows and doing the whole ceremony thing, but time just flies. Honestly the longer we go, the more I think…………… why? We’ve been involved in lots of friend’s weddings and it’s stressful and expensive. One day we might plan a trip, like when the kids are teenagers (they are 3 and 7 right now so it’ll be awhile) and I’ll get a beautiful dress and we’ll do our own thing but overall I have no regrets. I think as long as you and your partner are on the same page, you should do what makes you happy.

  • Okay loved this episode !!!

    And if you’re going to read Stephen King …
    My boyfriend and I are big Stephen King fans and we’ve read so many but our favourites are:
    IT… It is scary but it’s also an incredible coming of age story.
    11/22/63 is more of a sci-fi love story. The premise is incredibly interesting but the core of it is a really sweet love story.
    The Stand is just epic
    The Dark Tower Series is also amazing. The first book is confusing until you read the whole series then everything makes sense. And it’s really hard not to love the characters. There are also alot of characters in the Dark Tower that are featured in other novels of his… So it’s really fun to try and find those Easter eggs and then read the novels those characters are also featured in!

    While many of his novels are absolutely terrifying, his style of writing has a charm to it that we love and highly recommend!!!

  • I literally paid the deposit on our wedding venue yesterday, shortly before listening to this episode. I loved it! Especially Emma’s feminist rant 🙂 I liked looking at the photos too – the feather boutonnieres are so cool!

  • i LOVED your feminist rant, emma! i have always taken issue with those exact same things and refused to let our pastor ask “who gives this woman away to be married?” uh, I do. it’s my choice…not anyone else’s! i am not owned or chattle.

    the only thing i definitely wanted to do was change my name – my maiden name is jones and i was sooooo ready to ditch it and stop being the 4th sarah jones in the immediate vicinity. i felt like princess consuela banana hammock when i finally got to get it changed XD

  • If you only read one Stephen King, I would recommend The Shining. It is just so good, and really spooky sh@#t

  • Emma, my first Stephen King book was also “On Writing” and it introduced me to his style, which I love. He is best known for horror of course, but he writes quite a bit that’s less horror and more just weird. I recommend reading The Green Mile or 11/22/63. Both will give you a lovely dose of his engaging prose without too much horror. I

  • I can’t believe Emma’s wedding was seven years ago! I found the blog around that time and remember all the engagement/wedding posts like it was yesterday! I was like 14 and wedding crazy and I loved reading your guys’ posts about your weddings. Elsie’s wedding was my whimsical Pinterest dream. Seriously such a time capsule and I still love it so much. It was the first time I ever heard the quote “birds of a feather flock together” lol and now anytime I hear it I think of your wedding. All this to say I loved this episode, and I just now realized how long I’ve been reading your blog and how young I was when I found it. So special to bring back these memories!

  • omg i cant wait to listen!! (also – pancakes, genius!) i am in the very early planning phase and felt VERY overwhelmed- these guidelines/photo of my mom in her dress helped a lot: https://tps-steph.blogspot.com/2019/12/0053-wedding.html

  • Feminist rants aren’t bad! Thank you for sharing how you wanted your wedding to represent you, Emma! (I kept my last name too and we edited out any quasi-obeying language in the officiant’s portion of the ceremony).

    • I’m all in on Emma’s feminist rants, haha. I changed my name BUT we chose an officiant partly because I loved that she refuses to use the word “obey” in vows. 🙂

  • This podcast has really helped me get through a lonely period. I never feel alone when I’m listening and I have relistened to all of them!

    I would love to know how you guys continue to create- how do you guys find inspiration for new ideas and how do you push ahead during times of creative-block?

  • Thank you for this episode! I’m actually getting married at the end of this year so this is so, so useful! Can’t wait to listen! 🙂

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.