For many of us, there come seasons of life where we look at our closets and realize we really want a WHOLE NEW STYLE. That season came for me a few years back when I entered my 30s and then again, even stronger, when I became a mom. It’s something Laura and I have often commiserated about—wanting a new style that fits this season in life, but still wanting to feel cute and like ourselves. It’s a thing that so many women go through, multiple times, throughout life.
Two years ago, I looked at my closet and felt I had nothing to wear. There were a lot of issues. I had tons of colorful, patterned clothing that I bought more for blog photos than for real life. I had mainly short dresses/skirts and big heels which I liked to wear in photos, but didn’t always reach for in daily life. I had clothing in so many different sizes, as I have frequently gained or lost weight but was never able to part with my “goal clothes.” At one point, there was probably 50% of my closet that I couldn’t fit into—how sad is that?! I also had a lot of clothes I wore ONE time, whether for a party, a photo, or a vacation, and after that they just took up space in my closet. I shopped a lot of fast fashion, which made it feel easy to buy a lot of clothing that I didn’t necessarily value. It was definitely a quantity over quality situation. I had probably four times the clothing I have now, but every day when I went to pick out my outfit I felt I had nothing to wear and would end up wearing the same pair of jeans or yoga pants. Womp womp.
I was constantly discouraged trying to get dressed, so I decided to basically start from scratch!
First, I did a HUGE clean out and got everything that didn’t fit me out of my closet. This was HUGE. It felt like a weight lifted off me. I didn’t realize how much stress having a closet full of clothing I didn’t actually want to wear was causing me.
I did save one bag of “goal clothes” (shoved in the back of my closet where I couldn’t see it), but what’s funny is that by the time I did lose weight, I didn’t want to keep hardly any of the clothes. So there was no point! Moral of the story: Don’t keep goal clothes. It’s too sad, and when you lose weight, you’ll probably want a new outfit anyway.
After my big clean out, I felt instantly better. It was life changing. Next, I spent the past two years doing capsule wardrobes for each season (I sometimes did fall/winter and spring/summer together, or just a smaller version for winter and summer). This helped me rebuild my wardrobe with basics I could wear multiple ways. My closet became full (although not as full as before) of all QUALITY clothes.
It took me a few cycles to feel like I had all my basics covered, but I finally feel like I have basic outfits for every occasion and most importantly, denim that fits and is flattering for every season. Since I’m good on basics now I’m switching to a different plan for 2019 and am really excited to see how it goes!
I am a person who loves change, but it’s been surprisingly challenging for me to break out of my style ruts. I learned I had a lot of assumptions about what “looked good” and what “looked bad” on me that weren’t even accurate. I definitely believe in dressing for MYSELF so the most important thing is to wear what makes me feel good. With that said, I found that a lot of the clothing in my “comfort zone” was not actually making me feel good (at least not anymore). It was just what I was used to wearing, and a lot of it turned out to be old styles/habits I didn’t even know I was totally over.
(details: Top/Zara (old), Pants/Everlane)
I read and did the homework in The Curated Closet twice (I did it two years in a row as I was trying to redefine my style). It helped me to narrow down my closet (aka purge), try lots of new styles and attempt to branch out and also to be super selective when adding new items. I can’t recommend it enough if you are in need of a closet overhaul.
Now that I let go of the baggage and spent the time and energy to FIX my closet, I am so much happier. I actually enjoy getting dressed 90% of the time.
(details: Dress/Reformation, Sweater/Madewell, Mother Necklace/Gunner and Lux)
Another big lesson I learned is to lower my expectations. I know that may seem strange or harsh, but I realized I was holding myself to standards that were too high and that I wasn’t actually willing to make the kind of effort it would take to look that polished every day. I LIKE not wearing makeup half the week. I LIKE wearing ‘boring’ outfits most of the time. So why was I disappointed in myself for doing those things? Well, it was a choice. So, I consciously changed how I thought about these things. I lowered the bar for myself and, to be honest, it felt amazing!
I still like dressing up in cute dresses. But I also like wearing the same sweater twice (or more) in a week. Now I can do both and feel OK either way. I realized I didn’t need to put so much pressure on myself. I needed style goals that mattered to me personally and fit my current lifestyle.
(details: Sweater/Madewell, Jeans/Madewell, Booties/Seychelles)
It’s now been quite a while since I’ve been living with a closet that makes me happy every day. It’s a great feeling and it was totally worth the long process it took to get to that place. It’s still a work in progress, but I feel like I am figuring out how I want to dress and am slowly building a wardrobe that’s useful, easy and makes me feel good about myself. What more could I ask for?
If you have any questions or just want to vent about your own closet issues, I’d love to chat in the comments. xx! Elsie
I am so inlove with your wardrobe and style! 🙂
Yaaaas! Love these posts on your style Elsie. I’m all for lowering our daft self-imposed expectations and going with whatever feels right :). There’s no shame in wearing the same outfit twice in a week – not in my world anyway! You always look great whatever you’re wearing and I loved your look before, but I’m also loving seeing your new comfy/casual/ practical look. I tend to get stuck in a rut with jeans and layers so some inspo is always welcome, and I’m trying to cut down on fast fashion too. I’m still reading ‘The Curated Closet’ and going through my wardrobe (ongoing since last year!) but you’re inspiring me to push on. Thank you! xx
I am really pumped about your thrifting year that you posted about on instagram – I did the same and it has changed my way of shopping for sure. One of my biggest issues with it though is i tend to REALLY want to nab the good unique finds. If I find something incredible at a thrift store and I know it may be the only one ever, I want it, even if it doesn’t really work in the rest of my wardrobe/style. So that’s something I’m thinking about right now as I try to clean my closet. I love unique items and sometimes wear them like crazy, but not always!
Hey Elsie,
what a great read! I cleared out my closet big time about 3 yrs ago and set up rules, what could stay in. To be honest I was shocked how many clothes I had in there that i hardly or even never wore for different reasons.
In order to stop my closet from overflowing I clean it out every six month. Everything I haven’t worn in the past 12 months goes to a charity store. So far I never regreted giving something away.
One big closet-rule these days for me is: Everything in there can be worn any day. Why keep a dress for a special occasion? So now ppl at work sometimes say stuff like „Wow, you like great today. Are you going on a date tonight?“ and my most favorite answer is „no, I just put on that dress for me today.“
My biggest trouble was this issue – to realize: I don‘t need a special occasion – being alive, healthy and happy, is special enough. 🙂 I can relate to other parts of your text, too – the „keeping stuff that doesnt fit anymore…“, the heels / make-up parts…
Thats why I loved your part about accepting, that sometimes the picture we have about ourselves and what we should dress like and what we actually like to wear can need some adjusting. Thinks for that tip. I think I can still work on that a little.
xo
Yes! I love this! I am nearing that stage. I’m about to graduate college. I need some work clothes, some going out clothes, adventure clothes..etc. You get the picture. I’m on a budget but need an absolute with my wardrobe. This was a good read and I’m right there with you. Thanks!
Hi Elsie,
Thanks for sharing your style journey… I love reading about it so much, and it’s so fun to read mixed in with the rest of the ABM content. Keep it up.
After I had my kid (now 6!), my style was all over the place! It took me 18 months to fit into my “regular” clothes, and once I did, I didn’t vibe with the flouncy skirts and sweater dresses I used to wear all the time. So I basically wore leggings at home and jeans and a random sweater at work for 4 years. Ughhhhh. After doing the “Curated Closet” workbook two years ago (thanks for that recommendation), I shifted from living in jeans, plaid shirts (I do love in Seattle!) and army coats to becoming a more dressed up version of myself and my west coast casual style, purchasing cool jewelry and clog boots to up my style. Two years in, I think my style is much more me and though I haven’t fully nailed it yet, I feel more like a cool mom rather than a blah mom. I’m going to participate in your 2019 second hand style challenge (after I buy some new socks) and I’m excited to see how it turns out.
Style is such a fun and positive way to make yourself feel good and the less time we spend stressing over how we look, the more time we can spend with our families, friends and giving back to our communities!
Love from Seattle xoxo
I definitely can relate to this post! I became a mom almost 2 years ago, and noticed a change in my “go to” items in my closet. I started gravitating towards items that were easy to move in, walk, or carry multiple things in. I even noticed a change in the bags I used.
I always loved the style side of ABM, I’m happy to see new blog posts on this subject. 🙂 It’s true that before I liked to get inspired from the outfits you posted, but couldn’t really implement it in my everyday and work life. (I laughed a little about too short skirts, high heels and blog-outfits).. To be even more honest, I used to also almost a bit dissapointed for not being able to pull smilar things off, but it just wasn’t fitting with my lifstyle. A bit glad to see that it rarely really does. 😀
Two years ago I stared to build my warderobe from basics by mostly tailor-madking my clothes – even the basics (almost completly gave up jeans). It felt amazing, haven’t had much clothes but everythng I made was designed and color-coordinated to fit with one another. I wore now this same clothes through all seasons with exception of summer. Slowly I am also adding some colorful, thrifted and fast-fashion peaces but I don’t feel stressed anymore to search and find something.
Anyway, longest comment I ever posted. Really loving this style (and life) relatable posts. Thanks for sharing! LoVe!!
I’d love to hear more about your weight journey – not sure if you already have posts on it, but I can totally relate to having fluctuating weight and am working hard to figure out how to reach goal and maintain it without the constant yo-yo-ing!
Hi Kristyn, I am always happy to talk about it among friends or in person, but online I don’t feel comfortable talking about weight loss anymore. Mostly because it’s SO different for everyone and so easy to have your words taken the wrong way. It can be a triggering subject for so many people and it’s really not at the heart of what we want this blog to be. I will say that my journey to getting healthier is just as much about accepting myself as it is about creating better habits. I had to find what worked for me and what I could stick with. Anyway! I hope that makes sense. :))
This post has great advice for every season of life! I’m only 20 without kids and still in college, but it’s relatable to have a jam packed closet and only wear the same 5 pieces of clothes. It’s even worse because I have some of my wardrobe still in my parents house and some with me, so there is no effective way to tidy it all at once!! I’m excited to at least go through what I have at school!!
For me becoming pregnant made the biggest closet change for me. That was when I found out (AKA didn’t want to spend so much money on clothes I was only going to wear for such a short time) I didn’t need so much clothes to get dressed. 4 years later I still don’t buy more than I need. This year though I want to buy more quality pieces, since I have more trust I can buy what I truly need, fits my style and my tone.
I am very curious about your new journey you are going to undertake this year, it made me inspired to maybe go down the same road in 2020.
Elsie, I totally relate to this 100%! I always struggle with finding my true personal style. I bought the book “The Curated Closet” about a year ago and did an ultimate clear out of my closet but I still have bad habits and deal with weight fluctuation so I continue to purchase items I am not crazy about or will only wear once.
The part in which you discussed having high expectations on what to wear, I feel like that is completely me. I love wearing jeans and a t-shirt yet I push myself to dress up even though it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t feel confident in what I end up wearing. Thank you for sharing this and encouraging us to be more of our authentic self when it comes to our clothing style. This post motivates me to do some serious closet revamping this weekend.
I totally get this! Im 28 and feel like I need to stop shopping at forever21 because I really want to change it up and look more like my boring 28 yo self if that makes sense
I totally relate!!! I am a mom to an almost 2 year old now and I literally have the exact same sweatshirt in 5 different colors and I wear them all every week!! ???? it’s just easy and I love how cozy they are and how long the sleeves are (to fit my lengthy arms). But i really would like to get more of a variety of clothes that looks cute. It’s SO hard finding clothes that looks good on me and feels comfy and versitile at the same time.
The 30s can be so confusing especially as a mom. You still feel young but not so young to wear certain things and not old enough to wear other things.
I’m so glad I’m not alone in this “ I have nothing to wear” with a full wardrobe of clothes syndrome, which drives my husband mad.
I think you look gorgeous, Elsie! I myself have no experience on my mom style since I’ve never been a mother, but from all the comments up there, it seems like you’re leading a great example! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
When my kids were at home it was so fun to dress them up. I preferred buying for them instead of myself. My clothes at that time were more functional. Because I was a teacher most of my clothes were school appropriate. Once retired I was free to finally by clothes without any restrictions. Then working with Mallory has opened me up to more color and styles. My only criteria now is how I feel. So great!
Love this article! You go girl, lower those self imposed expectations! 🙂 I can relate! I loved everything you just said, so relatable and real, and there is so much beauty in being honest with yourself and others!
I love your shoes in the first and last pic! Comfortable and classy looking 🙂
-Lilly @ www.theoccupiedoptimist.com
This makes me breathe such a sigh of relief. I used to have such a defined sense of style and after becoming a mom between body changes and lifestyle changes I’ve STRUGGLED! I turned 30 this last year and my first born is almost 6 and I still struggle with this. It’s been a goal of mine for awhile to rediscover what clothing makes me feel great and this is really encouraging! Thanks for sharing, looking forward to starting the process! Xo
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Funny thing is my husband encourages me to keep the too small items as he knows I liked them once so thinks that I’ll definitely want to wear them if I lose weight. But I’m not so sure they’ll suit my current lifestyle. And they take up so much room. I dont know if I want the hassle of packing them up and moving them when we sell and buy a new house later this year.