Hello, hello. We’re sharing a HUGE announcement in this week’s episode!
-Emma shares details including how she found out, how far along she is, her pregnancy experience so far, and plans for her nursery.
-Emma shares the gender of her baby via an early chromosome test.
-Here’s the wallpaper Emma is considering for her nursery.
-That’s it! There aren’t very many links this week because we were mostly telling a very personal story the whole episode. Thank you soo much for your support!
Miss an episode? Get caught up!
- Episode #71: Hygge And How It Helps Us Live Happier In The Winter!
- Episode #70: We’re Back + A Big Catch Up Episode!
- Episode #69: NY Goals Episode + Goodbye 2020
Episode 72 Transcript
Emma: You’re listening to the A Beautiful Mess podcast and have I got some news for you…I have been very excited to share something with you all for many months now. And today is the day. And you might want to be sitting down for this one!
Elsie: Oh, my God. We have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to share this exciting news. So…
Emma: It feels that way. It also feels like it hasn’t been any time at all since I found out. So it’s just a weird, weird time warp. For so many reasons. To really tell you the news, I feel like I need to back up a little bit because it will make so much more sense. So but if you saw the title of this podcast, you might know where I’m going with this, but I’m going to back up for one second just to give you a more full picture. So as all our listeners probably know, my husband Trey and I are currently separated and this happened back in late September. So Trey and I care a lot for each other. But we’ve had sort of some ongoing things in our marriage for a few years. But we were both really wanting to work it out and we were both, you know, wanting to make things work. In fact, we were even trying to get pregnant and we had been trying to get pregnant for about nine months. But we came to a place where it felt like the best decision for us was for us to separate for some time. And so Trey and I discussed that and I had decided to move into the holiday house because I had that available, which I was really grateful for. So…made that decision and I had planned to move out that weekend. I think it was a Wednesday when we decided this. And I planned to move out that weekend, you know, just finish out the work week and then pack up and move that weekend.
Emma: So the next day I had been planning to see a friend to go for a socially distanced walk, just like after work. There’s just something I at the time was doing with my friends. It was again back in September. It was still warm out and it was just a way that you could, like, see friends but not be so worried about covid because you could stay apart but still talk and just be outside. But I just, I was a mess. And so I didn’t feel like I could see her. And I hate to be flaky, but I just was like, I don’t think I can see her without crying. And I’m not really ready to talk about things yet. So I texted her. I just said I’m not feeling well, so I won’t be able to go for that walk. And then I was like, oh, I don’t want her to think I have COVID, so then I was like, I just PMS problems. And so I typed that out, sent the text and as soon as I did, I just — it like immediately dawned on me that I should be on my period, but I wasn’t. And any woman who’s tried to conceive probably knows this. You’re very aware of your cycle because you’re trying to get pregnant. So you track it and you are just really, really aware because every single month, you know, as your period comes, it’s this disappointment. And so you’re just really, really aware of that timing. And so as soon as I sent that text, “I can’t go on our walk, PMS problems”, but I wasn’t on my period, I realized I probably should be and I wasn’t feeling like it was about to start. So I just had this, like, feeling where I was like, oh, my gosh, wouldn’t it be crazy if now I was pregnant? Like, now that we’re going to…we’ve agreed that we need to separate. And so since we had been trying to get pregnant, I had this ovulation kit at my house and it came with pregnancy tests. So I didn’t — I was like, there’s just no way. But I’m just going to take one of these tests and then I won’t have to worry about it anymore. So I took one and it was positive. And I had taken these before because I’d always been hoping and I’d never had a positive one. But I still like just very immediately felt, you know, 1000 emotions because. I’ve wanted to be a mom for years, so of course, I felt so much joy and hope, but I also was like, oh, it’s way too soon to even know. This is probably not an accurate test. Don’t get your hopes up, because I’m very used to every month when my period comes being disappointed, you know, that I’m not going to be a mom. So I’m very used to that feeling. And it’s very it’s very painful as any any woman or any parent going through that knows. So I was very quickly like, oh, this probably isn’t accurate, you know? And of course, I knew I was going to go through a separation. And so there’s a lot of feelings there as well. So I but I was very freaked out because I’d never had a positive pregnancy test before. So I just drove to the nearest grocery store and I bought two more brands of pregnancy tests and each of them came with two tests. So I took all four tests. So I took five pregnancy tests this day and they were all positive. And I just I had them all sitting on the bathroom counter, every single one of them, just positive, positive, positive. And I just I took a photo of it because I wanted to remember the feeling because…sorry…I was just so happy, so, so happy, even though, like, it’s not exactly how I pictured that moment, of course. But I was so happy and so grateful. And I still really, really feel that way every single day. So, so grateful. So. Yeah, I’m pregnant, and I told Trey, of course, that night when I’ve, as I’ve told a few friends, everyone’s like, did you tell Trey? I’m like, Well, of course I told Trey! (laughs) Like, yeah, I would be weird, be weird not to. So I told him. And he was, of course, filled with lots of emotions too, because of the circumstances. But he’s also very excited. You know, we were trying to get pregnant and Trey is going to be an amazing father and we are still currently separated. And I don’t know what’s going to happen with that. But we’re…we’re friends. We care about each other. We work together. And we will be really great co-parents if that’s where life’s headed. And our child is already very, very wanted, very, very loved by all sides of their family. So there’s no question in that area of my life. So I’m really grateful for that as well. And then a little more news. So.
Elsie: So this was back in September. So right now I’m I’m kind of nearing as you hear this recording, I’m nearing the middle of my second trimester. And so we got a chromosome test. And what those are for is sometimes it’s just a standard and sometimes it’s an elected thing that you choose to do. For us, it was elected. Our hospital doesn’t just do them, but anyway, we elected to do it. And it’s mainly to check for genetic disorders and different things like that, things that you could see from chromosomes. And one thing you can see from chromosomes is the gender. So we found out the gender kind of early. So this June, our due date is June 4th. We’re expecting a little boy.
Emma: I’m going to have a little son. Yep. And I plan to dress him like Derek Zoolander until he gets to make his own choices. (laughs) So, no, I don’t know. But yeah, I had really no preference, but it’s really fun to know and I’m just really, really excited. And Elsie has two girls. Our brother has a girl. So on my side of the family, this will be the first boy.
Elsie: It’s true!
Emma: He has a lot of girl cousins.
Emma: But in my friend group in Springfield, Missouri, where I live, a lot of the women I’m friends with, they’re moms and many of them have boys so they can teach me about being a boy mom, not that I think it’s that different, but still. So I think he’ll have a lot of friends and I’m really, really happy. And I think I’ve been so excited to share this. Obviously, I’m terrified of having a miscarriage as any expecting parent is because it is common. So I didn’t want to share it too soon and I still am really scared of that. But every day that goes by, I let a little more hope into my heart, you know, and…
Elsie: Oh Emma!
Emma: But I also, it’s been hard to you know, I’m going through a weird season where I am separated and there is a lot of grief and a lot of sadness in my life. But when people ask me how I’m doing, I, I also want to tell them, like, I’m so happy, I’m the happiest I’ve been in some years too, because I also have this other thing, which is that I’m going to be a mom. And it’s — those two things exist at the same time in my life right now. And it’s weird. And I never want to sound like I’m flippant about my marriage. I don’t feel that way. But I also have this other thing that I’m so happy about and so grateful for. And it feels like the beginning of some of the best years of my life because I’ve just wanted to be a mom for so long. So. So, yeah, that’s what’s happening for me. I…yeah. (laughs)
Elsie: I know everyone is going to be so, so happy for you. And I’m sure that most of you can probably just like tell this, but Emma is a very private person. Like, I think I’m more private than people think I am. She’s very private. She’s very, very private. So what happens in this episode is like her opening up and letting you in and basically, like, please don’t send her questions. We’re going to answer the questions now. She’s going to answer the questions. I’m going to be the moderator. I’m going to be the voice of you. And I will ask a couple of questions that have been commonly asked. And, yeah, no more questions after this. Just like, respect the boundary.
Emma: Well you can try. I think I’m pretty…
Elsie: I think people will but it’s always hard when you’re a public figure and people want to know everything, you know?
Emma: OK, we’re going to take a short break and then we’ll be right back.
As I was trying to conceive, one tool I used was the Modern Fertility hormone test. Funny enough, I actually learned about them from a podcast. What appealed to me most was I didn’t have to go to the doctor or even leave my house to complete the test. They simply mail you the kit, you complete the finger prick test at home, you mail it back and you get your results online through their website. You can learn all sorts of things about your reproductive health, like egg count, menopause, timing. And if your hormone levels indicate conditions like thyroid disorders or PCOS. There’s so much valuable information you can gain whether you’re wanting to conceive, plan for the future or just simply know more about your body. It’s so helpful to be able to collect information with Modern Fertility. Doctors are still able to provide the most important resources when it comes to medical information. But being able to understand more and have more knowledge at home is amazing. Right now, modern fertility is offering our listeners twenty dollars off their test. When you go to modernfertility.com/mess. That means your test will cost $139 dollars instead of the hundreds or thousands it could cost the doctor’s office. So get twenty dollars off your fertility test when you go to modernfertility.com/mess. modernfertility.com/mess.
Working with a professional therapist has so many benefits and Elsie and I have both had great experiences with counseling, so we’re excited to partner with Better Help and share an exclusive offer with our listeners. Better Help is an online resource that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can start communicating in under 48 hours. It’s not a crisis line, it’s not self-help, it’s professional counseling done securely online. There’s a broad range of expertise available and you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Better Help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. Just visit their website and read their testimonials that are posted daily. Financial aid is also available, and you can visit betterhelp.com/abeautifulmess, that’s Better H-E-L-P and join the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. ABM listeners will get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/abeautifulmess.
Elsie: So a couple of questions that people might be thinking. Tell us a little bit like how far along are you? What milestones have you hit? Like, if you want to talk about, like, seeing the ultrasounds, like things like that.
Emma: Yeah, yes. So yeah, my due date is June 4th. So sometime around there I’m nearing the middle of my second trimester. My first trimester was pretty tough. I think a lot of people probably have this experience, but I was extremely nauseous for like three months and it’s fine, it’s worth it. But yeah, I was pretty uncomfortable and I had these, like, ginger candies that I ate all the time. And it felt like basically the only thing that I could eat. I did eat, but I…it was kind of hard and I normally love eating. So it was a very strange three months for me, but yeah. So now I feel way better though. I feel basically normal. Just my pants don’t fit. So I’m doing the thing where you put like a hair tie, like a rubber band.
Emma: In your loop, and you hold your pants together that way and then you put a belly band over it. So it kind of looks like you’re wearing an undershirt but you’re actually wearing a belly band because your pants don’t fit anymore. (laughs) It’s like they fit my legs, but they don’t fit my stomach. It’s like two tight.
Elsie: Awww Emma!
Emma: And I wear a lot of leggings so. Yeah. And yeah really I my review of pregnancy so far is like joy, joy, joy, because I get to be a mom, but it’s not the funnest thing I’ve ever done, you know. So it’s fine. It’s like being a little bit sick for three months and you know. Oh well whatever. But yeah. And so we the first time we had a doctor. So Trey goes with me to the doctor’s appointments because like I said, he’s very excited too. So at our first one where we were going to hear the heartbeat, they couldn’t get it to find it. And it turned out my placentas was on the top at the time, so it was just harder to hear it. And the ultrasound happened to be open. So my doctor took us back there and we got to see the little baby on the screen.
Emma: This was really early. So we got to see it a little earlier than I think some couples get to. So that was really fun. And I definitely think that was the moment for us both that was just you just see this tiny baby and I’m like, oh, that’s inside me because right now, I just feel like I’m nauseous all the time and, you know, every little thing like that, you believe a little more like, oh, I actually I’m going to have a baby because I think it’s hard for me to let my heart go there because I have had so much time of disappointment now. So but each little thing like that, I’m like, OK, yeah, that that that is a baby. It has a little head and a little body and it’s waving its tiny little arms at me like, OK. And I of course had to make a little Christmas ornament this past year that had our sonogram picture of our baby inside of it so I can put that up on the tree every year. I had it on it this year, but I, you know, kept taking it off when I would do pictures for A Beautiful Mess because I wasn’t showing that yet. But yes, we yeah. So seeing that was great. We have an upcoming appointment where we’ll get to do another ultrasound again and see how he’s grown. So I’m really excited for that. Yeah.
Elsie: Adorable. OK, so I have never been pregnant so I’ve always wanted to know, is maternity shopping fun or is it not fun. What do you think?
Emma: Yeah, I’m sure it’s different for every woman. I’m not a huge shopper. I feel like I’ve talked about this a little bit, like I am a very like, I have my uniforms, and that’s pretty much like I have a fairly condensed closet. I’m not really a minimalist. Like, I like to buy things, but I’m just kind of, I like a simple, I don’t like having to make a ton of decisions. Anyway, so that, and then also people have probably picked up on the fact that I am chronically cheap. So I think I’m not the best person because I’m like, oh, I’m only going to wear this stuff for, like, you know, through the pregnancy and then a little bit afterwards and…
Elsie: So the answer is no?
Emma: I pretty much haven’t bought…I’ve bought like three shirts so far and I have one pair of like maternity leggings like, like all the way maternity leggings, not just leggings that I can grow into. And that’s all I have so far. And I’ve kind of already identified all the things in my closet that I’m like, oh, and I have two belly bands, but I’ve identified all the things that I’m like, oh, this dress. I could probably wear this basically the whole time. Like it’s kind of a muumuu type dress. So I’ve kind of like finding all that stuff. And then if I need to buy one or two more things, I will. But I, I’m just not that excited to have a huge maternity wardrobe personally, it doesn’t spark joy for me, so I probably won’t have that many things. I’m just going to lean into the headbands and necklaces during that phase.
Emma: Like I’m wearing the same shirt for like three months, but I have a different headband on. So there you go. (laughs)
Elsie: That sounds good. Well, where wear some of those stretchy dresses? Because I love how stretchy dresses look on pregnant people they’re so freaking cute!
Emma: Yeah, the like Body Con. I know that’s so cute.
Elsie: OK, so have you. The decorator in me has to ask, have you been thinking about the nursery yet?
Emma: Yes, I have. So even before we knew gender, I was kind of dreaming about doing a nursery that had a lot of green and white, kind of a plant-themed, maybe some botanicals. And I feel like, you know, boy or girl, that’s great. So, yeah, that’s that’s what I’m planning. I have a wallpaper picked out that I’m like 90 percent on. I haven’t ordered it yet, but it’s — it looks like kind of vintage botanicals, a little bit of florals.
Emma: But kind of like flowering weeds, which maybe that’s not a great way to describe it, but it looks like a field guide type illustrations, if that makes any sense. So, yeah, I’m going to do that kind of a plant theme, but not to theme-y. Just just green. I’ve always loved green. I think it’s very calming. So yeah, I’ll probably get some green blackout curtains and I need to figure out what crib I want and a changing table. Get myself the old rocking chair glider, you know, stuff like that. I’m putting it in the — what has been the playroom at the holiday house. That’s where I’m going to put the nursery just so I don’t have to walk up and down the stairs at night.
Elsie: Perfect room. It has a gigantic closet, so that will be nice.
Emma: Yeah. So yeah, I think it’ll be great. So that’ll be his room. And yeah I haven’t started that yet, but I’ve kind of started a little mood board and I’ll probably start fairly soon because I feel like time is going to start flying by in a way that I’m not prepared for. (laughs) So…hopefully.
Elsie: Yeah, I mean I feel like I know it’s like so different, but when I was waiting to adopt, it was one of the things that helped me pass the time. So maybe it would be a fun way to pass the time this spring while you’re waiting. And I mean, you have to do it anyway. I think it’s more, definitely more fun to do it before the baby arrives, if you can, so that you can just like, focus on the decorating part of it, you know what I mean?
Emma: Yeah. I think I’m going to like I know a couple of projects I want to do too. Like I want to make like a felt like kind of plant themed mobile for above the crib.
Elsie: Oh cute!
Emma: You, you know which…
Emma: It’s not like, you know, plants in a nursery….riveting. But you know, I’m into it so whatever. So.
Elsie: Oh my god, yeah no.
Emma: And little things like that…might do a little jean jacket for him, you know, just some little things that…
Elsie: You don’t have to pick a bizarre theme for your baby’s nursery. I feel like we picked kind of like simple themes. I think that going like on it, like a traditional childhood magic feeling room, like whatever that feels to you is what you should do. I love it.
Emma: Yeah. And I also kind of feel like someday the room that’s going to be his nursery might become my office someday and he might move to one of the rooms upstairs when he gets like his big kid bed and he he might be older, make a few more choices then like of if it’s, you know, or whatever he’s into, he’s into racecars or dinos or if he’s still into florals. Great, then we will do whatever for his room that gets his big kid bed and all that, and I will probably move into this room. So I feel like I’m also kind of picking something that kind of flows with the house because this room is right by the front door. And I don’t know.
Elsie: That’s smart.
Emma: Yeah, but I think it’ll be fun. I think it’ll be a really cute space for him to be in and for me to obsessively take all my new mom photos of him in all the time. Cuz I’ll be like, “everything he does is cute”, because I’m sure I’ll be exactly that kind of person.
Elsie: I can’t wait to see it. I’m very, very excited about the room. Maybe we’ll be able to do like a socially distanced baby shower. I’m hoping for that. I’ve been planning Emma’s baby shower for years, so we have to find way. I’m so excited. Yeah.
Emma: Yeah, I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that too much because I’m like, the vaccine’s happening. So what is the timeline? I don’t know. So we’ll see. Yeah, we might have to have it outdoors but that’s OK.
Elsie: Whatever it requires, we’ll have some kind of baby shower and it’ll be amazing. OK, so I’m just going to say it the personal question that I know people just want to know, do you feel like this pregnancy is making you feel like you have to or you want to get back together with Trey more? Or like, is it swaying your decision? Are you planning to divorce? Like, what is your status there?
Emma: Yeah, so it’s definitely something I talk to my therapist a lot about. I talk to my family and my close friends and it’s something Trey and I talk a lot about. But yeah, it’s not really something I plan to talk very much about online, in part because I’m a private person. Also, though, I’m pretty aware that someday my son will be able to read or listen to anything that I put on the Internet. And so, you know, someday he may want to learn about this part of his parents’ journey. And I would like for him to learn it from us and from family. I think that makes a lot more sense than from the Internet. So I don’t really plan to share much about that. People know what my house looks like. So I, that’s part of why I even shared that we were separating, because I was like, well, everyone’s going to see that I’m living in a different house. So I feel like I have to address…
Elsie: People doing a little detective work…
Emma: Well, but yeah, yeah, we…Trey and I really, really care about each other. We’ve been, we were best friends for basically a decade and we’ve supported each other through our careers and in so many other ways. And I think we…I’m really excited to be a parent alongside him. I think he’ll be a great dad. And I also love his family, his parents, his sisters, all of the cousins that our son will have on that side of the family. They’re amazing. I’m so happy that my son has that family, so I’m thankful for all of that. But, you know, as far as other things, I don’t really plan to talk about that online. So, yeah, you go got to be my therapist to get the scoop. Sorry. And I only have one therapist so… (laughs)
Elsie: And I’ll just add to that. Leave her alone or I’ll kill you. Just kidding.
Emma: No you can ask and I can choose to not answer. So these are the choices we are all allowed to make.
Elsie: Well thank you for opening up about it so much. And I know people will be excited to follow your journey of becoming a mom and, you know, see your cute little baby whenever he comes along!
Emma: I am so excited!
Elsie: This is a joyful time. Like I’m sure everyone can relate with a time in your life when you had something joyful, mixed with something really difficult at the same time. And that’s just kind of how life is sometimes, like so many times. So…
Thank you so much for listening this week. We’re so grateful for you, our podcast family, we’re calling it a family now because we really do feel close. And I know Emma has felt your support this past week and also these past few months. So thank you for sending her those good thoughts. Keep sending them. And this is going to be a really exciting year, so thanks for following along and have a great week.